A New Quest
I have always wanted to buy a motorcycle. I think most men have considered buying a motorcycle at some point in time. I know that the ladies also think about it, but there is something distinctly masculine about the urge to purchase a motorcycle. For a summer and then some, I owned a moped—the motorcycle's gay autistic cousin, if you will. It was amazing. When I was bored, I would pop the AirPods in and just cruise around town, maybe go into a few different places, take some roads I hadn’t tried yet to get somewhere. It was good, clean fun. Ladies would ask for rides; I would give ladies rides—it was a great thing I had going for a little while.
Eventually, I fell on hard times and had to sell my moped to my little brother, who then sold it to someone else for like times as much a month later. What a rascal. What is it about riding something solo like that out in the open air that’s so enticing? It’s sort of the same with riding a horse or maybe even being on a boat. I think the best version of this is the jet ski. A jet ski is the cure for depression, I believe. Whenever I’m on one of those bad boys, I feel a freedom I could never describe. You are gliding at top speed over the water, wind blowing in your hair, a sharp turn here or there, and you get a spray of water in your face. It’s so invigorating.
A few years ago, for Memorial Day, I went to my friend Steben’s house for the holiday, and we rode his family’s jet skis. The one I rode the most was a big yellow guy, and it was fast as hell, baby. I also discovered that it had Bluetooth capabilities, and the sound system was bumping like crazy. I put that bitch in sport mode and went like 70 mph, listening to “Love Sosa” as loud as it would go. I can’t tell you what it was like, but it was incredible. My life felt like a movie—for real, for real. It felt so good I almost had a lump in my throat, if you know what I mean. It was almost too powerful a moment. That’s the moment I would think about casting my Patronus. A jet ski at full speed plus Chief Keef could keep 100 Dementors at bay.
It’s moments like that that feel magical to me. Technology and science allowed me to do something that 100 years ago would have been impossible to do, especially just as an average Joe. It’s so impressive how accessible things like jet skis are to everyday American people. I think that’s the funny thing about it, though—almost anyone could replicate that moment that was so special to me. If you live close enough to a lake and have 200 bucks, you could rent a jet ski and feel what I felt. Something about that sort of bothers me. Special experiences aren’t that special anymore. Most things people do could be replicated in some way.
There are some examples, like being a worldwide pop star or celeb, that really can’t be experienced by most people, and I think that is why, in some way, we envy those people. Money can’t always buy that level of fame. Money can buy fame, I should say, but it can’t always buy the adoration that people feel for a band or singer. That is real love that can’t be purchased, in my opinion. But those examples aside, what do we really have these days that we can do that others can’t? Raw, wild experiences that someone else couldn’t pay to do? Even to hike Mount Everest, if you have enough cash, you can do it just like anyone else.
What true adventures do we have left in this world? And do people adventure anymore just for the sake of it? Who goes on a trip around the world without a YouTube channel? I’m sure people do, but you can watch anyone go almost anywhere these days, and that does take a bit of the fun out of it. Back in the days when you left home to go to a new place, you could only write letters from the strange land you visited. People would leave for years and come home to their families a new person with fantastic stories. Am I silly to pine after this feeling? It is the feeling we get from movies like Dune—being a stranger in a strange land, and then the people accept you. It’s so badass. Making a way for yourself in a new place with no one to help and accomplishing something. When you read sci-fi or fantasy, there is no limit to what can be discovered in those worlds, and I think that is part of what I love about the genre. There is still an element of true adventure.
The closest I think, frankly, we can get to that these days is going to war or just joining the army, probably. That or honestly going on a mission. For me, I think that’s the closest I’ve been to a true adventure. I was in South Africa and had to figure things out. I learned new languages, I learned a new culture, and I learned how to fit in and get along with people in that culture. But even on a mission, you have lots of help and resources to assist you in figuring stuff out, even if it is all new people. I do think that may be the closest I get to a true adventure of yore.
Maybe I’m crazy, but I feel like there is something deep inside us, maybe mostly the fellas, that needs to go on a quest. I think as men, we need a quest, and since there are not really any new people or new lands to explore, our quests take on a new shape. I think that as men, we have an intrinsic need for a quest; it is in our DNA. The reason for midlife crises could be a lack of quest. For me, I think my rock and roll has been a quest for me for some years now. I don’t feel that when it began, that was the purpose I had in my mind, but as I have gone on in my pursuit, I have realized that it was truly a quest all along. I just had to understand the purpose of it in the first place. I was already treading the path, but for reasons unknown.
God put within us a burning passion for something. Maybe not everyone has a burning passion for something. I think we all do. It is my belief that it is there for a reason, and that if you can figure out why and put it to use for the greater good of mankind, God will bless you in your quest. For why else would you have such a burning desire to rock and roll? I don’t think that for me to accomplish my quest, I have to become famous for rocking. I just need to make the world a better place because of it. I just need to use it as a power for good.
I think that some people’s quests will be completed in a way that looks different and works on a different scale. I think we will have lots of quests in our lifetime. I just don’t think it is anyone’s true mission in life to be an investment banker. I recently finished my class to become a real estate agent. I do not think this really has much to do with my mission or quest or purpose in life; I mostly just need a way to make money so I can accomplish those things. Me wanting to accomplish those things gives me all the motivation I need to make money and do real-life business stuff like that. I know that the more financially stable my life is, the more time and ability I will have to pursue my quest.
Maybe "quest" is not the right word to use in some circumstances, but it’s the best all-encompassing term I can think of for this type of situation. I think whatever our quest is, though, so to speak, it helps to inform us of what type of person we want to be. I think having a noble quest will, in turn, help push us to more pure purposes and light in general. That is why I also think we need to have some sort of higher purpose to motivate our quest beyond just work and daily tasks. I think even having kids is not enough, usually. I don’t have kids, but I feel like we might need more. I think dads want to have something that they can be proud of to show their kids, even if it’s just like a garden or being a part of the community in a way that is impactful. We need to be working towards something that we feel could be greater than ourselves. If you don’t believe in God, that’s OK—you should at least just believe that there is a greater force of light and dark eternally at odds. If you don’t believe in that, then I’m not sure where I would start. In any case, I just think that we all have something that we could do to make the world better with our passions. Only we need to focus our passions to a point that they become effective in accomplishing something more than existing. When we do anything I think it helps knowing to what end we are doing this. I guess I don't mean everything but you get the idea. I think a lot of people say that you should make art for yourself, but I think you should make it for the world and hope that it gives it a little more light even if it’s for only a few people like your family. Maybe then it’s all worth it. But you have to put it out there and hope it does some good. That is my overarching quest that I make something and it does some good for the world.
I think that in accomplishing our quest or pursuing something higher in that way we sort of scratch that itch we have to go to lands foreign and unconquered. If we can accomplish our quest we conquer a bit of society or an area of artistic exploration yet untrampled. It is a form of going where someone hasn’t gone or doing something maybe that no one in your family did before. We can’t all go to the moon but we can make something no one has ever made before. We can cook something
So maybe in some of this I got the wires crossed a little bit and ended up pushing my theories for myself on you but I think you get the idea. I also said at the beginning of this that mostly fellas need a quest. I don't mean to say that ladies don’t either. I just think mostly guys go crazy or turn kind of evil if they don’t. I think I ended up sort of spewing a little here at the end. It’s just that I have a lot to say about this because, in the last couple of years, I feel like this mindset has made a big difference for me. It is a lot to chew on, and I could have said more of it a little more concisely.
But I’m going to share a quote from The Shadow of the Torturer by Gene Wolfe that I think about a lot and is applicable:
"To know your purpose is to live, and to live is to act. Only the dead are purposeless."