I just read The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck and it affected me deeply. I have been a little burnt on sci-fi and fantasy so I have been trying to dive into the classics a little bit and get some of the stuff I missed in school, or didn't pay attention to when we were reading it.
There is not much for me to say about the book itself that hasn't been said. It's a classic of all time for a reason, and for a while it was banned in schools for being too real, basically. It talks a lot about systems we have in America that dehumanize people or basically encourage the exploitation of others in the name of good business. More than anything it just made me think about all the suffering that's going on in the world. I thought about sweatshops, child slavery, and all that horrible stuff that's going on in the world. For some reason, before this book, I had never really cared all that much, which I am ashamed to say. I guess before this I hadn't really allowed myself to feel bad about what was going on in the world. It really is just easier to not think about all the bad that's going on in the world, because when I did before, it would just overwhelm me and I couldn't really comprehend it.
There is something that is dead-ass magical about really good writing, where it fully does a spell on you and rewires your brain in some way. It's happened before, but this time it just let me be empathetic, I guess, or opened that part of my brain up in a way I could comprehend. This all feels really funny to admit — maybe I am a psycho freak, or so heartless it's unbelievable — but I have a sneaking suspicion there are a lot of people who are the same as me. Basically, now any time I think about people suffering it just makes me cry, or at least tear up. I thought about the cobalt mines in the Congo while I was in the car with my coworker and it just made me get all weepy. It just hurts in this way I've never been able to feel before. It feels like some part of me got scorched away by that book and now I feel it all in full. Maybe it wasn't the book, but I'm just getting older or changing, and that helped to tip me in the other direction. Either way, I just can't stand it.
The other day my sister told me she was ordering stuff from Shein and I said something about how she was fine with child slavery, and it made our family dinner kind of awkward. I don't really say stuff like that, but I can't stop thinking about it now.
With all the injustice in the world, I feel like I usually kind of try to ignore it because all the infographics on Instagram usually just feel kind of performative. I am probably wrong about this, but when people were posting all the time right when Israel started bombing Palestine, it just felt like it was some big show to see who could make it seem like they cared the most. I am being kind of negative because I am sure there were some story posts that got people to donate money or made some level of change, but it always bugged me because it just felt so insincere. I guess I have an extremist mentality, or I want people to just shut up about it and really do something if they care that much. Or if they are going to act like they care, they should donate all their time and money to the cause.
I think of that story in the Bible when that rich guy asked Jesus what else he could do because he already kept all the commandments and did all that was asked. Then Jesus tells him to sell all of his stuff and give it to the poor, and then just dedicate his life to service, and he can't do it because that's too much. That sounds crazy when I say it, but for some reason I feel like that is what people should do if they are going to post infographics on their story.
I've seen people who did do that, or organized events to raise money for a cause. I think I've even played a few benefit shows where that was the cause. That really is better than just not doing anything, but it never feels like enough in my head, or like it even matters. I always just feel like it's for show. Before I would just not think about it, but now I can't stop thinking about all the suffering in the world. So I guess I am just left with the question: what can someone actually do that matters?
I guess maybe I've just always told myself that stuff like little fundraisers or story-posting infographics doesn't matter, so that I don't feel bad for not doing anything. So now maybe I have to start posting my story about world issues. Or maybe I can just pick one and talk about it all the time so more people know that bad stuff is going on. Shit makes me laugh out loud. But really, what else is there to do if I'm not willing to just dedicate my life to helping some random group of people who are suffering? Maybe that would be the best use of my time. It's funny because there are people all over the world — literal millions all over. I just Googled "people who are suffering right now" hahaha. It is a never-ending list.
I guess I just feel like people who say they care don't. It's just laughable to me because there is a girl I knew who would post like five infographics a day about Palestine, and I heard her audibly say "ew" when a homeless guy walked past her one time. It's just like, what the hell. People just really do not care about each other. Maybe I am being negative, but that is my perception. When I lived in SLC I lived pretty close to downtown and there were a lot of homeless folks and daywalker-ass tweakers around my house a lot. We had these downstairs neighbors and damn, they hated the homeless, which would always crack me up because they always had those liberal-ass signs in their window about how everyone is human. I guess everyone is human unless they are suffering in front of you — then they are gross. It just makes me laugh.
I just remembered Emerson said, "Love afar is hate at home." Damn, that is true! Perhaps that is my answer. I think a lot of people love to post infographics because they do hate the homeless. They don't do anything for anyone around them but be silently angry at their uncle for not caring about the people in Sudan. This assuages their guilty conscience. Maybe I am being a hater, but a lot of people are really not about it. Maybe this is a crazy take, but I would say that a slightly bigoted uncle who helps his neighbor move in, or maybe has volunteered to feed the homeless with his church like twice, stands on higher moral ground than the majority of people. I just think a lot of people who act like they are about it are not. I am not claiming to be — I would like to be, especially now that I am plagued with sorrow for those who suffer.
I could probably volunteer at a local orphanage or something. I hope those places are not made up because they seem to find their way to fiction more than anything else. I guess maybe I can just do my best to care about the people who are suffering around me. I could do my best to make sure my fundraiser shows are for people who live where I am, so that I am lifting where I stand, so to speak. I think this is the best option for us to actually do something that matters, because really most of us who even care a little about people will just donate like ten bucks and call it a day.
There are people out there who do dedicate their whole lives to helping some random group of people who are suffering across the world. That's awesome and that does make the world better, but I think honestly, now that I've really mulled it over, we should for the most part just focus on helping in our local area. I don't know that I really need to explain why — it just makes the most sense. When I thought of that quote I knew it was true immediately. Love afar is hate at home, without a doubt. I'm not saying we shouldn't care about people far away, but unless we are really going to do something real about it, I think we should just focus on what we can do in our community.
Maybe this realization for me is just most of you reading this going, duh. I'm not sure though, and maybe I am really exposing myself for not caring about people that much, but that's what I had on the mind. Tap in if you have any thoughts about this — I'd love to see what you all think. What I am really hoping for though is to lose this sense of sympathy and just go back to the way I was. Shit is so much easier when you don't care!!!!! hahahaha.