Today I was riding in the car with my coworker Jace, and we were listening to "What's Going On" by Marvin Gaye. It was really touching my soul. I was thinking about how timeless of a song it is and how it's perennial in the way it always becomes the most relevant message again every few years — or maybe it's just in season all the time nowadays. Either way, I started thinking about how I'd heard he had a hard life, and that before that song things were pretty rough for him. So I listened to the whole album again and started looking into his life.

In the late '60s, he tried to kill himself, and shortly after that his writing and singing partner, Tammi Terrell, died from a brain tumor. I read that in 1974 a woman he had been involved with, Mary Woodson, took hot grits and poured them all over his back and arms, then went into the next room and shot herself. I think he was also having other problems with the women in his life over the years on top of that. I don't know all the details, but it seems like his life was tragic and seemed like a pretty constant struggle with one thing or another. Eventually, he was even murdered by his own father in 1984.

All of that makes "What's Going On" feel like something divine. I've listened to it maybe three times already today, and I'm listening to it again. It's making me cry. The more I read about his life, the more the song seems to feel like a miracle.

The lyrics are so poignant. "War is not the answer, for only love can conquer hate. You know we've got to find a way to bring some loving here today." This line is basically the whole reason I'm writing. It's just two sentences.

He's saying something so simple, but it's so striking. It makes me think of Jesus in the scriptures — how he would say things that when we read them today it almost doesn't feel worth mentioning because it seems so obvious. It's strange though how when someone says something the right way there is so much to say about it. That's how you know it's got some truth to it though.

I guess I am rambling, but the juxtaposition of a guy like him making a song like that is really inspiring to me. I don't know Marvin Gaye personally, but if a woman you were "involved with" pours hot grits on you and then kills herself, I feel like we can infer there were probably some moral discrepancies in his life. I don't know that he was a bad person, but he sounded really troubled — with drugs, women, and all sorts of things. It fascinates me that people can be so prophetic, really know the truth of something, and yet live lives so far from what someone delivering that message might lead you to believe. They live on the very razor's edge of life but can say or make something that speaks to nearly every soul who hears it. There is something just really human about that that is undeniable and extremely moving to me.

Lately, I've been trying to really be a peacemaker and bring light and love into the world. It's hard to know how to do that. I've also been much more emotional these days. When people are mean to someone, it hurts me more than it used to. I don't really mind when someone is mean to me — I know I can take it. But when I see kids saying something mean to each other, I get so sad. They don't know they're hurting each other, but I know they are, and it breaks my heart. I was feeling bad earlier today because at scout camp one time I beat up a kid who was acting way too crazy, but then I found out his dad was a total freak.

I get online and see people talking crazy to each other, and sometimes I just can't take all the negativity. I know a lot of people feel the same way.

I want to pump hope and light straight into the collective unconscious somehow because it's really important to me. I know it's important because I've seen times when I feel like I've been able to do that and how powerful it was.

One time in Grand Junction we played this really fried show, and we did our best to make things less weird and just be fun on stage. A kid came up to me afterward and said, "You know, things are kind of dark here, man. It's a weird place. But I've seen you guys before, and as soon as you guys start to play it's like a light comes on. I just want to say thanks for that." Then he shook my hand and walked away.

I guess I feel some kind of cosmic responsibility to do that. Especially since I know I can, I feel like I have to.

I love writing, and I'm trying to get good enough at it so I can shoot light into the world like I was talking about. I'm also trying to lose the shackles of fear. I hate that I'm always afraid to look corny, or like I'm doing too much, or like I'm bad at what I'm doing and just making a fool of myself. I'm trying not to make fear-based decisions anymore. I think fear holds me back from a lot of the good in the world.

My brother-in-law flattered me yesterday. In one of his law school classes they were talking about assertiveness and how to develop it, and he said it reminded him of me. That made me laugh. He mentioned simple things — like asking for an extra scoop of fries or getting employees to do you favors. Just the idea that in a lot of cases where people are normally afraid to put themselves forward, there is really nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I'm trying to use that same assertiveness for doing good. I'm trying to be really outward with my love and kindness. I think a lot of people get embarrassed to tell someone they love them. Even I get bashful when I say it to someone I'm not on super familiar terms with. I think people are nervous to compliment each other or say something sincerely kind. It makes me think of my friend Brad who for the longest time always tells me he loves me whenever we part ways or even just in the middle of a conversation. He says it in a way too where you know he really means it. There is no fear or hesitation in his expression of love. This is such an admirable trait to me.

The other day at the store, I saw a lady trying to carry a bunch of stuff up some stairs. For some reason, I hesitated before helping her. I don't even know what I was afraid of, but there was some kind of social anxiety attached to it. What is the point of waiting to help someone? I want to burn that hesitation out of me.

I know that sometimes telling people you love them or giving a sincere compliment can make them uncomfortable. I just don't want to care about that anymore, because it's a good thing to do.

I got a new cat last week from the shelter. I was watching him — Marty — interact with my other cat, Frank, and it made me start crying again. They were sitting maybe six feet apart, and Marty got up and slowly walked over to where Frank was and sat close to him. If you've ever introduced cats to each other, you know how big of a leap that is. I think they both want to be close, but cats are always afraid of what the other one might do. It takes a lot to build trust, but someone has to be unafraid and take the steps to close the gap.

Seeing Marty walk slowly toward Frank was so sweet to me. In my head, it felt like Marty was willing to take the risk — to put himself in a vulnerable position — just to be close to him. It's always worth it to take the risk, I think. We just need to remember that. Especially me.

Marty knew he could get hurt, but he didn't make his decision based on fear. He made it based on his desire to be close to Frank.

They're just cats, after all. But I feel like I saw a lot of humanity in that interaction.